Jerk Music Critic: FFS

FFS, it's FFS. I'm not sure if that sentiment was what Franz Ferdinand and Sparks had in mind with the name of their alleged supergroup, but may I say that my statement was meant in the greatest regard? Sparks fans like me will be elated that this album is on balance more S than FF (though for the same reason I don't mind saying FF fans are in for a treat as well), but the amazing thing is that the whole really is incontrovertibly better than the sum of the parts. Russ Mael and Alex Kapranos braid nearly perfectly as united vocalists, and while every song obviously sports pencil-stached Ron Mael's surrealistic stamp, it's a blend of Ferdinand's more modern sensibilities with Sparks' studious musical syncretism that truly works. Plus, as one would expect from a Sparks production, the subject matter runs the gamut all the way from crafty references to the Norks ("Dictator's Son") to police brutality ("Police Encounters") to erotomania ("Johnny Delusional," the lead track that immediately lets you know you're in for something great) to nerd supremacy ("The Man Without A Tan") to Japanese girls with Hello Kitty Uzis ("Soo Desu Ne"). Most everything is listenable and quite a bit is uncontrollably danceable -- look for some or all of these tracks in a knowing DJ's setlist near you. Low points are brief and relative, with "Things I Won't Get" being probably the song I got the least, and "Little Guy From The Suburbs"' hollowly manufactured drama comes off as disagreeably hipsterish instead of playfully witty. But who can hate on an album that by contrast features such deathless prose as "I gave up blow and Adderall for you" ("Call Girl"), or the rude, zany and shout-it-from-the-rafters closer "P*ss Off"? On the penultimate track, Kapranomael croon in dueling intentionally vapid librettos that collabourations don't work, they don't work, they don't work, but if you have the right set of minds and the right range of creative lunacy, they sure can, they sure do. The deluxe edition adds four additional tracks that are almost as good as the rest, including the somber yet lyrically stark "A Violent Death." (Content: infectious rudeness, mild drug and sexual references.)

🌟🌟🌟🌟

Express Yourself

The Jerk Music Critic is a collection of amateur music reviews I wrote largely non-professionally between the 1990s and today. Some of these reviews are contemporary and some are retrospective, and a few are rather dated, but all are intended to be free-standing and permanent records of my completely worthless musical opinion. They are presented in no particular order and "new" reviews that occur may actually be simply prior ones I've only now transcribed. Older reviews have been edited to hopefully remove inaccuracies later revealed, as well as add brief content advisories (see "Smash the PMRC") and, where reissues exist with different tracks, brief commentaries on these later additions (the actual star review was not altered).

If you're looking for a specific artist, or just interested to see what I really liked (or really didn't), "When I Break Down" indexes reviews by artist and by number of stars awarded (see "Star Chart" for an explanation).

As we move deeper into the Internet music age where the album format might seem hopelessly antiquated, there is still some artistic value in the LP to those artists who still take advantage of it, and some of these recordings can only be properly appreciated in that context. I hope you enjoy these reviews and recommendations, and don't take them too seriously. — Cameron Kaiser

Star Chart

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
An instant classic. Substantially advances/d the state of the art, either technologically, stylistically, or (preferentially) both, and is outstanding music besides. Buy it.

🌟🌟🌟🌟
A excellent album. Nearly every song is a gem; nearly every piece is a winner. Falls short of 5 stars for want of that certain special something, but the difference is in impact, not in musical quality. Buy it.

🌟🌟🌟
Solid. Mostly good songs with a few clinkers. Salvageable with a good playlist. Buy it cheap.

🌟🌟
Mixed. Some good songs stand out, but not enough to make it listenable as a whole. Buy the good songs on iTunes.

🌟
Bad. One or two tracks of even decent quality. Buy the good songs cheap on iTunes.

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How did this get released?

Smash the PMRC

I don't advocate for censorship or unnuanced black and white stickers, but I do advocate for parents being able to raise kids in the way they see fit, which might include introducing albums of controversial yet artistic merit at a point in their child's life when they can better appreciate it. The content summaries are intended to be a very general guide, reflective of only my own personal sensibilities and mine alone, and do not substitute in any way for a parent actually sitting down and listening to the album themselves. If you excessively rely on my content advisories, then I'm the one raising your kid, and you really don't want that.